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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28664409">i swear i'll never leave again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueorangeade/pseuds/blueorangeade'>blueorangeade</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Break Up, Exes to Lovers, Exes with Benefits, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Post-Break Up, semi-angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:28:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28664409</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueorangeade/pseuds/blueorangeade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two hearts, broken from the past but gets broken more as time passes by. Was it really a great decision for Yeonjun and Soobin to break up?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i swear i'll never leave again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><strong>Additional Tags</strong><br/>• title from keshi's "i swear i'll never leave again"<br/>• tyunningyu are in a poly relationship, are the same age and they live together<br/>• soobin and yeonjun are the same age and are older than tyunningyu by a year<br/>• yeonbin are only making out like 'kissing' making out<br/>• <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2IenExtcF7qvU7nVLJYhXQ?si=7uRqgDkIQD6m-RHLrnf77Q/">listening playlist!</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Yeonjun stares at the clock, watching time slip away second by second. The room was quiet, a bit too quiet. Their soft breathes, slow paced inhales and exhales mixed with the feeling of disappointment and confusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The snowfall’s shadow by the headlight reflecting on the blank wall in front of the bed with the silhouette of the blinds overlapping the fall. The light peeking through the blinds is enough to cast over Soobin’s face, his nose, his jawline and Yeonjun traces every single thing about Soobin’s features. Taking his time as if he has all the time in the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was almost four in the morning and the both of them are still awake. The both of them wonder why they’re together at this hour, in the same space.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not like they’re not supposed to be with each other—the whole thing doesn’t feel right after them breaking up a year ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun thinks it’s quite early for people to be blasting music at that hour but Yeonjun can’t help himself but flinch at the familiar tune sounding from next door, almost barely audible but nonetheless Yeonjun brought himself into deja vu.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It must be the angsty teenage highschool student in the next room that Yeonjun remembers quite vividly as they would exchange glances whenever he would go to Soobin’s place. The young boy would give Soobin a few containers of kimchi that Yeonjun would receive at the door. “You’re not Soobin” the boy said and Yeonjun remembered he just chuckled at that comment. “But you’re always in his place so here’s kimchi” the boy said reaching the container to Yeonjun then leaving without sparing Yeonjun a second glance. “Was that the young kid?” Soobin chuckled as he approached Yeonjun at the front door, lightly kissing the top of the other’s head. “His mom made kimchi, looks like he was forced to bring it here” Yeonjun giggled at the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun recalled the way Soobin always tasted like the blueberry soju he would always stock in his fridge and just from Soobin’s lips, Yeonjun gets drunk from the way Soobin presses his lips against him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin never failed to drive Yeonjun insane. Yeonjun would go weak in the knees whenever Soobin kisses him, especially after such a long day in school. Soobin wouldn’t waste time and just give in, lifting Yeonjun by his thighs making sure the other has his legs wrapped around Soobin’s waist while Yeonjun supports himself by having his grip on Soobin’s shoulders as the other’s hands have his hands tight around Yeonjun’s waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The song still played through the not-so thin walls of Soobin’s apartment, or is it because the kid is playing it so loud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It got cut off at ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie? If what we had was real, how could you be fine?</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ and Yeonjun started to have his thoughts wonder at the very fact that he is sitting beside Soobin, the both of them pretending they’re okay, Yeonjun pretending he’s not hurt, pretending everything that they’re doing is fine, hiding the fact he misses Soobin, hiding the fact he’s just hurting himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should go” Yeonjun whispered as he slowly got off Soobin’s bed, putting on his coat and shoes back as quietly as he could while Soobin just looked over him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Take care </span>
  </em>
  <span>was what Soobin wanted to say, actually. Soobin wanted Yeonjun to stay but the both of them knew that never again in a million years would that happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without a word, Soobin just watched Yeonjun go out his door and the sound of it closing made Soobin hitch his breath with the thought that there might be a time that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>won’t come back. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>✹</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin woke up with the side of his bed </span>
  <em>
    <span>empty</span>
  </em>
  <span> but the familiar scent coming from the sheets reminded him of the smell he associated with </span>
  <em>
    <span>comfort</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The faint scent left on Soobin’s sheets made his heart ache, crushed into a million pieces. Soobin’s a masochist and so is Yeonjun. They don’t know what they’re doing but at the same time they don’t want to stop although they said they would </span>
  <em>
    <span>end things</span>
  </em>
  <span> that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin had no choice but to get up and get ready for school. It was almost eight in the morning, Soobin wondered what the morning would be like if Yeonjun stayed or if they didn’t break up. The memories hit Soobin too quick and too harshly at the thought of Yeonjun leaning against the doorframe in Soobin’s room calling him for breakfast, the warm touches while cuddling each other all night, the same scent of rose on Yeonjun’s hair similar to Soobin’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin misses it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he can’t do anything about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He fucked up.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>✹</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Soobin</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Yeonjun whines , with his eyes shut, fingers stuck in the other’s hair. Soobin, on the other hand, presses wet open kisses on Yeonjun’s neck on the same spot where Yeonjun would always flinch and have himself melt under Soobin’s touch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re both back in Soobin’s apartment with Soobin’s lamp only lighting the dark room, enough to see each other’s faces up close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun’s grip on Soobin’s hair tightens as Soobin’s kisses travel to the other side of Yeonjun’s neck. Yeonjun could feel the hot breath coming out from Soobin hit his skin, he could hear every heavy exhale alongside he could feel whenever Soobin breathed in as their chests were too close, they could feel each other’s heartbeats. Soobin darts his tongue to lick behind Yeonjun’s ear and Yeonjun flinches again, opening his eyes at the sudden move.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>marks, Soobin-</span>
  <em>
    <span>ah</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Yeonjun mumbled, gasping for air as Soobin huffs under his breath and kisses Yeonjun’s jawline and their lips reconnect once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t start</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Yeonjun warned the other, pushing him firmly away but Soobin pushed Yeonjun back against the wall, bringing Yeonjun’s hands above his head, gripping his cheeks with the other hand. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I wish I could</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Soobin grunted against Yeonjun’s lips, smacking his lips back to the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kiss was very…….hot and intense. But it wasn’t as comforting and as sweet as before. The pool of emotions the two of them felt while kissing each other wasn’t the same excitement and eagerness as before. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He must have drank, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yeonjun thought as the taste of Soobin grew on him. Soobin licked Yeonjun’s lip—asking for permission and Yeonjun parts his lips granting this request. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin, again, is driving Yeonjun insane. Yeonjun can’t just let Soobin make him melt under his touch so Yeonjun pushes Soobin across the room, bringing the two of them on the bed. Soobin sitting on the edge with Soobin on his lap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun has his hands cupping Soobin’s face tightly while Soobin has his arms wrapped around the other’s waist. Soobin kept on bringing Yeonjun in while Yeonjun kept pushing himself forward. Their bodies clashing, hearts both aching, both kisses eager for the other’s lips. They’re both crazy, insane, and disappointing as what their friends tell them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t breathe</span>
  </em>
  <span>'' Yeonjun breathes against Soobin, breaking the kiss as their foreheads get stuck to each other. Heavy breathing filled the room with Yeonjun’s arms wrapped around Soobin’s shoulder, Soobin’s grip on Yeonjun’s waist still tight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nobody was planning on letting go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both think if it was worth trying again but they’re both not sure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The same routine again, Yeonjun laid on the other side of Soobin’s bed while the other reached for something in his nightstand drawers. Yeonjun looks over at the other and watches him take the pack of cigarettes hidden at the back of the drawer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The same cigarette pack Yeonjun told Soobin to throw out when they first started dating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you joking me right now?” Yeonjun said, quickly sitting up moving closer to the other. “What do you mean?” Soobin replied back, reaching for the lighter in his jacket pocket laid on the floor, lighting the cigarette butt making Yeonjun’s blood boil.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You kissed me with that mouth?” Yeonjun asked, snatching the cigarette out of Soobin’s mouth. “This is my first time ever since-” Soobin said, and caught Yeonjun’s gaze at him then he blew the air out his mouth. “Ever since what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You told me to stop”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you doing it again?” Yeonjun questioned Soobin, moving right in front of Soobin. The other stands right up, snatching the cigarette back making Yeonjun scoff and goes to gather his things on the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know you can’t really tell me what to do now” Soobin said, blowing out once more after taking in the cigarette again while Yeonjun hitched his breath, surprised at what he heard and Soobin, as well, knew he fucked up. Again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Yeonjun said after putting his coat back on, walking closer to the other then pushing him back. “Tell that to yourself when you called me in the middle of the night after we broke up just for you to fucking make out with me because you were fucking lonely” Yeonjun then stormed out Soobin’s apartment, slamming the door. Soobin called Yeonjun’s name “Hey Yeonjun wait I’m—” and before he could even finish, Yeonjun left his apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin whispered into the empty space where he stands all alone, all alone again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin crushed the cigarette on the ashtray on his table as he blew out one last time. “Soobin you’re a fucking idiot” he says to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>✹</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You guys are still on it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun stares out the window of the coffee shop while Taehyun tries to get his attention. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Choi Yeonjun</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Taehyun said again and Yeonjun shook his head back to reality and pretended he didn’t hear what Taehyun said before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be fucking dumb with me”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun sighed, he didn’t really know what to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know” Yeonjun eventually replied</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>know?”  Taehyun echoed making Yeonjun feel embarrassed to reply back to the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you only did that for one night Yeonjun. </span>
  <em>
    <span>One night</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It has been a whole month since you guys make out even if you guys </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>for a fact you broke up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>Yeah. We broke up, Yeonjun</span></em> <em><span>thought</span></em><span>.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine Tyun, don’t worry”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Make sure of that”  Taehyun glared at the other and in all honesty, Yeonjun felt scared because everyone was reaching out to them when they found out they were still meeting with each other acting like nothing happened. Yeonjun took a sip from his coffee when Taehyun suddenly said, “Just came to mind-” he began and Yeonjun looked up to him, putting down his coffee on the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you miss him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun choked on the coffee that was left in his throat and Taehyun got startled and quickly asked how the other was. “Shit, fuck. Okay fine you don’t need to answer that. I’m sorry” Taehyun quickly said as Yeonjun took one last cough, waving his hands in front of Taehyun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay” Yeonjun rasply said, still having trouble getting the right words out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Yeonjun stated and everything started going back to him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>✹</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It was one week before finals, Yeonjun was at Soobin’s place making ramen for the stressed out computer engineering major. Soobin was doing his 10-page essay that was due the next day when Yeonjun went to his place asking if it was alright to just lounge in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeonjun, this might take a while” Soobin said with an apologetic look on his face which Yeonjun understood at first glance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Binnie” Yeonjun smiled, entering his kitchen and grabbing the ramen from the cupboard. It wasn’t a big deal cooking for Soobin but it oddly feels domestic. The favorite smell of the spicy ramen circling around Soobin’s place made Soobin forget about the stress he was experiencing because of stupid essay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun mixes the sesame oil with some rice and Soobin can’t help but look over to the other and crack a smile while Yeonjun works himself in the kitchen. The sound of the kimchi sizzling on the pan, scents mixing together made Soobin water in his mouth and motivated him in some way to work faster. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As Yeonjun was busy transferring the fried rice and the ramen into separate bowls, Soobin approaches him then wraps his arms around Yeonjun’s waist. The feeling wasn’t foreign to them but it made their heart race all the time, like the first time they met each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Smells nice,” Soobin whispered against Yeonjun’s neck and the other chuckled in response. “I’m almost done, sit over there” Yeonjun replied and Soobin walked over to the chairs on the opposite side of the counter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun placed the plate of rice and bowl or ramen in front of Soobin and the other didn’t waste any time and devoured Yeonjun’s cooking and exhaled making Yeonjun giggle and feel happy on the inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is so good Jun-ah” Soobin said, grabbing Yeonjun by the wrist and pulling the other making him sit on Soobin’s lap. “You done with your paper?” Yeonjun asked, kissing Soobin’s forehead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah” Soobin’s breath tickled Yeonjun’s skin then he slowly kissed the other’s neck down to his collarbone. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Soobin-ah</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Yeonjun moaned as he shut his eyes while the other continued to kiss him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soobin you’re tired go to sleep” Yeonjun whispered and Soobin paused. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>But babe,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Soobin groaned under his breath, looking up to Yeonjun. “There’s always a next time”. Soobin sighed and nodded before they both went to Soobin’s room and cuddled each other through the night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, finals season came and the two haven’t really been talking because of studying. “How was the test?” Soobin asked Yeonjun as soon as the other walked out of the classroom. “It was hell and very long but hey I’m still alive?” Yeonjun laughed and Soobin pulled him close, kissing the other’s forehead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You waited for me? Did your test finish early?” Yeonjun asked and the other nodded. “Apparently, yeah” Soobin replied and Yeonjun reached over to Soobin’s lips, connecting his and giving the other a quick peck. “Let’s go?” Soobin said when Yeonjun pulled away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unbelievable” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it now Taehyun-ah?” Yeonjun chuckled as soon as he and Soobin walked in the cafe near campus seeing Taehyun with Beomgyu and Kai lined up at the counter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s no americano. Are they kidding me? I’m going to pass away” Taehyun complained, making Beomgyu and Kai annoyed at him. “You’re being dramatic, she said it will take twenty minutes because they just refilled the machine!” Beomgyu argued “That’s the same thing!” Taehyun replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay shut up now go over there, the love birds will take their order” Kai said, pushing the other two to the side towards the big table on the other end of the cafe. “Ha ha” Soobin monotonously laughed to Kai. “Well you guys are lovebirds” Kai said. It was true. But everything is different, they </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>lovebirds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun and Soobin kept giggling to each other while Beomgyu, Taehyun and Kai kept sharing glances and whispers across the table. “They don’t see us?” Taehyun asks</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You see me?” Kai returns the question to Taehyun</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see you, you see me?” Beomgyu whispers to Kai</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You guys are stupid” Soobin said, after hearing the whispers the trio kept of rumbling about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, you guys are disgusting” Beomgyu answered back</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You three are literally in a relationship” Yeonjun told them</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead</span>
  </em>
  <span> silence from the three, they do stick out their tongue at the same to the so-called </span>
  <em>
    <span>lovebirds</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t matter” Kai said</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You guys are worse than us” Beomgyu said, with a gagging expression and a disgusted face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So why don’t you guys just move in together?” Kai asked the two and they didn’t really know what to say. Yeonjun just awkwardly laughed it off and said “We never really talked about it” he stammered. “How is it living together? The three of you, I mean” Soobin then asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s pretty chill but Beomgyu can’t seem to </span>
  <em>
    <span>mind</span>
  </em>
  <span> his own business” Taehyun looks over the raven haired boy and Beomgyu rolled his eyes. “I can attest to that,” Kai replied and he and Taehyun bump fists while Beomgyu looks at them with a betrayed look on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe this” Beomgyu said “I’m breaking up with you two” he continued but the other two didn’t seem to budge.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As if you can survive without us” Kai said</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” Beomgyu replied, then clinging onto Kai’s arm. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of moving in with Soobin was a very tempting and scary idea to Yeonjun. Although most part of him wants to move in with Soobin, he couldn’t really detach himself just yet from his parents considering he’s an only child.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another part of Yeonjun is scared. Scared to live up to the fact that if he </span>
  <em>
    <span>does </span>
  </em>
  <span>move in with Soobin, Soobin’s parents will completely get angry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin hasn’t made their relationship </span>
  <em>
    <span>open </span>
  </em>
  <span>to his parents because of their judgemental, religious and homophobic statements. Soobin never dared to drop hints because he was scared too. All that his parents knew was that him and Yeonjun are </span>
  <em>
    <span>best friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That thought made Yeonjun think twice, maybe more than that. He had his doubts about their relationship but they’ve been together for almost three years. Soobin never disappointed Yeonjun and neither did he. They’ve talked about it and Soobin made a promise to stand up against his parents after college graduation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He made a promise.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” Soobin asked as they both walked in his apartment, Yeonjun kicked his shoes off and plopping himself on Soobin’s couch. “Yeah, just tired” Yeonjun answered and Soobin sat next to where Yeonjun laid down, lowered his head and kissed the other’s head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I can move in with you?” Yeonjun asked suddenly and Soobin stopped running his hands through Yeonjun’s hair at that statement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course you can” Soobin said but he sounded a bit weary. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about your parents?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about them” Soobin said “You can move in whenever you want, whenever you’re ready” he continued, lightly pecking Yeonjun’s lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That light peck turned into a breathy kiss after like two seconds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They make out for a while. </span>
  <em>
    <span>A while</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin has his hands planted on either side of Yeonjun’s face onto the couch while Yeonjun’s hands roam through the other’s hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kiss was sweet, calm and sincere if it was put into words. Soobin passionately swayed his lips against Yeonjun’s, him climbing on top of the other while Yeonjun roamed his hands on Soobin’s back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stayed like that for a moment until Soobin’s doorbell rang.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soobin! It’s mom and dad! We brought you food!” a familiar (and annoying) voice sounds from the front door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Soobin hissed under his breath and the only thing Yeonjun could do was press his (swollen) lips together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, I can leave” Yeonjun whispered and when he was about to gather his stuff, Soobin quickly grabbed his wrist and shook his head. “It’s okay, it’s fine just- you know. Same stuff” Soobin said, panicking while he fixes his clothes and his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin looks in front of the mirror by the front door and holy fuck his lips are swollen. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They wouldn’t care about that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Soobin thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Soobin sighed out as he opened the door while Yeonjun stood up from the couch and fixed the collar of his shirt. “Hey Soobin, my son we missed you so much” his mom greeted him with a smile that Soobin wished he’d never see again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you guys here so suddenly? Could’ve texted me, oh and Yeonjun’s here” Soobin said, pointing to Yeonjun and Soobin’s parents smiled at the other. “I haven’t seen you in so long Yeonjun-ah! Come here!” she greeted the gay boy that’s dating her son that she doesn’t that’s gay for her son.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Mrs. Choi, how are you?” Yeonjun greeted </span>
  <em>
    <span>calmly. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing fine, sweetie. What brings you here?” she asked Yeonjun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The audacity</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No mom, what brings </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>here? Dad?” Soobin turned over to his dad who removed his coat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, so they’re going to stay here for a while</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Soobin thought and Yeonjun approached the other at the front door. “I think I should go'' Yeonjun announced and Soobin’s father was quick to respond to him. “Yeonjun why don’t you stay with us for dinner, hm?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s getting late, I don’t really want to interrupt you guys—” Yeonjun tried to say but Soobin draped his arms over Yeonjun’s shoulder. “He’ll stay with us!” Soobin announced all of a sudden and Yeonjun protested. “Oh that’s wonderful, we brought some stew for the winter” his mom said with a smile and Yeonjun felt bad so he decided to stay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be fine,” Soobin whispered to the other, discreetly pressing Yeonjun’s hand behind their backs.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun sat across Soobin’s mom while he seated beside his </span>
  <em>
    <span>best friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here have some” Mrs. Choi handed out the ladle and poured in some stew in Yeonjun’s bowl. “Thank you” Yeonjun politely replied to her. “Eat up, okay?” she said and Yeonjun felt bad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt bad for being the reason why he’s son is not himself when his own parents are around even if Yeonjun knows for a fact how shitty they are and how Soobin hates them so much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soobin-ah” Mr. Choi started and Soobin looked up at him. “Yeah?” he replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you told Yeonjun about Jisu?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin tightened his grip on the spoon on his right hand while his left hand tried to reach for Yeonjun’s hand under the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin tightened his grip on Yeonjun’s hand while the other looked at him with confusion but Soobin refrained from looking back at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisu?” Yeonjun questioned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh maybe he hasn’t told you yet Yeonjun-ah” Mrs. Choi stated, bringing out her cell phone and showed a girl. She was very pretty. Looked like she was rich and went to an international school according to Yeonjun’s first glance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who is she?” Yeonjun asked her</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisu is Soobin’s girlfriend!” she said excitedly while Soobin’s father calmly ate his food and Soobin sat still, with his hand still on Yeonjun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t take long before Yeonjun forcibly removed his hand off Soobin’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>my girlfriend” Soobin grunted, looking over at his mother and Mrs. Choi ticked her tongue. “You’re so stubborn Soobin-ah” his father said, having kimchi stew stains around his mouth like the fucking child he is. “Well, she’s Soobin’s almost girlfriend” his mother explained.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t tell me about her?” Yeonjun tried to say it as calmly as he could, but he was on the verge of breaking down while casually throwing in a fake ass laugh after.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s because I don’t know her and I haven’t met her.” Soobin said, looking over to Yeonjun. They locked gazes and Soobin could see the anger and sadness in Yeonjun’s eyes. “Well you could’ve at least told me you know,” Yeonjun said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hiding secrets from your </span>
  <em>
    <span>best friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Come on Soobin you’re so </span>
  <em>
    <span>lame</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Yeonjun said, cracking a smile and another fake ass laugh making his parents laugh along too. “Why haven’t you told Yeonjun! You’re not a true friend Soobin-ah” his mother joked around.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s because I don’t know her, and I don’t want to be her boyfriend. Never in a million years” Soobin replied. “Why? Are you gay?” his mother reacted ever so dramatically.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This fucking bitch</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just because I don’t like to date a girl doesn’t mean I’m gay”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Answer the question, are you gay Choi Soobin?” his father questioned the other and </span>
  <em>
    <span>why was Yeonjun nervous?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why was his heartbeat pacing?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why does he even give a fuck?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why is he even there in the first place?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I should go,” Yeonjun announced, ignoring the voice crack just as he said that. Soobin tried to stop Yeonjun but Yeonjun flicked his hand away from the other. “I think you should. Our apologies Yeonjun-ah but here’ take these home. Tell your parents we said </span>
  <em>
    <span>hi</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Mrs. Choi said, giving out a box of macarons to Yeonjun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Mrs. Choi but you don’t have to” Yeonjun said but she cut him off “It’s fine sweetheart, after Soobin’s behavior” she sighed. “We just have to discuss a few things.” she said, looking over at her son with anger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go now” Yeonjun said as he reached the front door. “Yeonjun, wait!” Soobin said, running towards the other. Yeonjun tried to put his shoes and coat on as fast as he could so he could ignore Soobin but Soobin managed to stall him. “Look, I can explain everything. I-” Soobin started. “You had all the time a while ago and a few weeks ago probably to explain but you didn’t. Leave me alone” Yeonjun argued while tugging his hand off of Soobin’s grip on his wrist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun walked out of Soobin’s apartment and not-so slammed the door behind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t even have the audacity to say sorry” Yeonjun grunted under his breath as tears started to fall from his eyes. He grabs his phone from his coat pocket and dials in Beomgyu’s number. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeonjun-hyung?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun just sniffled at Beomgyu’s response over the line.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hyung, are you okay? Where are you? Have you called Soobin hyung?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No! No! Can I just, can I go to your place? Are the others there?”</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah you can, Taehyunnie and Kai are out buying groceries”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay I will be there in five”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“My door is open”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu opened the door and got greeted by Yeonjun and his red-teary eyes, puffy cheeks and pout expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hyung,” Beomgyu breathed out. “Are you okay?” Beomgyu asked and Yeonjun didn’t say anything but he moved towards Beomgyu, leaning his head on the younger’s shoulder and cried like there’s no tomorrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Beomgyu whispered, gently patting Yeonjun’s back. “Soobin” Yeonjun muffled on Beomgyu’s shoulder. “What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>? What happened?” Beomgyu said, moving Yeonjun by his shoulders in front of him but Yeonjun just huffed out a deep breath.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>✹</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you’re saying is that his </span>
  <em>
    <span>homophobic, pain in the ass, religious, judgemental, pain in the ass, </span>
  </em>
  <span>wait I said that already, but anyways.... Soobin’s parents got him a girlfriend? Why?” Beomgyu asked in shock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soobin did mention about his parents being so annoying his parents were about him getting a girlfriend and </span>
  <em>
    <span>apparently</span>
  </em>
  <span> they just got one for him and he didn’t tell me”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn…” Beomgyu sighed. “What are you doing to do?” he asked and Yeonjun just shrugged his shoulders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know” Yeonjun sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Yeonjun’s phone lit up showing a message notification from Soobin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun stared at his phone while Beomgyu looked worriedly at him. “Is that him?” the younger one asked and Yeonjun nodded, turning off his phone. “Well you could at least try to listen to him? You barged out all of a sudden” Beomgyu said softly and Yeonjun felt guilty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m such an idiot</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Yeonjun thought but at the same time he thought about how he just stormed out of Soobin’s place without letting Soobin explain himself because he was angry then again…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun has to think about himself too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun had no other choice but to answer Soobin’s text.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Soobinnie ♥ [7:38 PM]</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeonjun</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry about a while ago</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please talk to me</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can explain</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun just watched his screen be filled with messages that he doesn’t know if he could reply to with his current state of mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Soobinnie ♥ [7:39 PM]</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun watched the three dots move on the bottom left corner of his screen and eventually came to a stop. Yeonjun was about to write back to him but before he could even press the keyboard, Soobin messaged him:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Soobinnie ♥ [7:42 PM]</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you don’t want to talk to me right now but please know I love you so much and I’m sorry for what happened. I’ll explain it to you when you’re okay talking to me already.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you so much</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Take care my love</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun doesn’t reply so instead he turns his phone off and leans back on the couch. “Want me to walk you home? I can pay your taxi, it’s pretty cold outside,” Beomgyu softly said while fixing Yeonjun’s hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun waved his hand off and shook his head at the other. “It’s fine. I don’t live far, I can walk” Yeonjun replied and Beomgyu whined. “It’s like negative degrees outside!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said I’m fine!” Yeonjun shouted, he didn’t mean to do it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” the elder quickly apologized and Beomgyu sighed. “I know there’s a lot of things going on in your head right now but please don’t be stubborn” he told the older guy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait here, I’ll call a cab” Beomgyu said as he walked towards the telephone and dialed the taxi services while Yeonjun sat there thinking about nothing. His mind is completely empty, he did not know what to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go hyung?” Beomgyu announced as Yeonjun followed him down to the entrance to see a cab waiting outside. “Here,” Beomgyu said, reaching out a few cash bills to the elder for the taxi fare. “Gyu, it’s fine. I have cash with me-” “I insist, now it’s getting late”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu hugged Yeonjun one last time before letting the elder in the taxi. They said their goodbyes and Yeonjun goes off to somewhere not his house.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun rather went to the bar a few blocks away from his house. It was empty to Yeonjun’s surprise considering it was a weekend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, welcome. What can I get for ‘ya?” the bartender kindly asked Yeonjun as he sat down by the counter oh so sullenly. “You okay?” the guy asked and Yeonjun just stared at him with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>are you kidding me </span>
  </em>
  <span>expression. “Forget that I asked” the guy eventually replied. “Any will do” Yeonjun told the bartender and the other guy placed three shots of rum as what Yeonjun smelled at first. Yeonjun doesn’t think twice in taking in all three shots at once. “Hit me” Yeonjun said and the bartender gave three more shots to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twenty-seven shots later and Yeonjun’s passed out on the counter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not too long after, Beomgyu and his two boyfriends, Taehyun and Kai, walk into the same bar surprised to see Yeonjun all alone and drunk. “What the fuck?” Beomgyu said as soon as he stepped in and walked towards his drunk and heartbroken friend. “I told you not to be stubborn, how many did he have?” Beomgyu scolded the elder and looked at the bartender respectively. “About twenty-seven shots, sir” the kind gentleman replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is going on here Beomgyu?” Taehyun asked the other as Beomgyu gave his credit card to the bartender and forcibly made Yeonjun stand up. “Kai, can you help me please. You too Tyun-ah” Beomgyu grunts, Kai putting Yeonjun’s arm over his shoulders and Taehyun mirroring it. When the guy gave back Beomgyu’s credit card, the smaller boy walked quickly back to the entrance towards their car. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about Soobin hyung?” Taehyun asked and Beomgyu looked behind. “Soobin hyung is not in sight, he’s not with him”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Care to explain?” Kai asked, settling Yeonjun down in the back seat, securing the seat belt as the rest of them went inside too. “Long story short, Soobin kind of cheated on Yeonjun but didn’t. He’ll explain soon but not now, let’s bring his ass back home” Beomgyu ranted and Kai quickly pressed on the gas pedal, and made their way to Yeonjun’s home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened to him?” Yeonjun’s mom asked as the three of them carried Yeonjun to his room. “He’s feeling below the weather Mrs. Choi, but he’ll be fine. I hope” Beomgyu said as the other two fixed Yeonjun’s positioning in his bed. “Where’s Soobin?” she asked and Beomgyu just sighed. “He’s a bit busy now Mrs. Choi so he asked us to take care of him” Kai said and the three of them knew it was a lie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, you three go home now. It’s very late” Mrs. Choi said and the three of them politely said goodbye. As soon as the exit the house, Kai and Taehyun argued with Beomgyu about the whole situation until they reached their place and all Beomgyu said was “It’s pretty fucked up”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>✹</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The first thing that greeted Yeonjun the moment he woke up was an annoying pain in his head. He could barely sit up so he just pushed his head down on his pillow because of his stupid hangover then suddenly he heard a knock from the door. Yeonjun slyly looked over to the door and saw Soobin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey” Soobin whispered and Yeonjun’s response was turning to face the wall and completely ignoring the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I brought you some hangover soup” the other tried to reach out again, “I’ll leave it here. I’ll just be outside.” Soobin said and still no response from the other. Soobin sighed and leaned over Yeonjun and lightly kissed his head before heading to the living room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun had no choice but to get up and eat the soup because his head hurt. The first sip was bitter but Yeonjun looked over to the plastic bag and saw juice boxes that he liked that Soobin picked out because Soobin knew that Yeonjun hates bitter things and likes sweet things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun’s heart ached for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t finish the soup but instead he peeked out his room and saw Soobin prepare food with his parents. “You chop it like this and put it inside this bowl, okay?” Yeonjun’s mom instructed Soobin as they were making bibimbap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun sighed at the sight because he knew Soobin was sorry but he can’t just forgive him like that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin looked over at Yeonjun’s room and smiled at the boy. “You okay now?” he asked and both of Yeonjun’s parents looked over their son. “Can we talk? After you’re done” Yeonjun told him and his mother quickly rummaged and grabbed the tools from Soobin’s hand. “It’s okay I can do this, you talk to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin walks over to Yeonjun’s room and the other locks the door behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I explain myself now?” Soobin asked softly and Yeonjun nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Soobin started, sitting down at the edge of Yeonjun’s bed while the other leaned back against the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know how my parents don’t know about—</span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>… and how they’ve always wanted me to date a </span>
  <em>
    <span>girl</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They met someone, a rich family that could benefit them, I guess.” Soobin took a pause and Yeonjun’s expression was still still the same. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me and Jisu, we talked over the phone before. She doesn’t want to do this too, Junnie”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun hitched his breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-What do you mean?” Yeonjun stuttered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s dating a girl, she’s lesbian” Soobin answered </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do both of your parents know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” Soobin firmly replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about Jisu? Like does her girlfriend know or something?” Yeonjun panicked, asked Soobin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Apparently, she does too. Sorry for not saying it sooner.” Soobin said, standing up and holding Yeonjun’s hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t you just tell your parents about </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Yeonjun asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a risk. A risk Soobin was afraid to take.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell them eventually, baby be patient with me. I love you” Soobin kisses the crown of Yeonjun’s head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The both of them thought everything would be fine according to plan but apparently no. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin’s parents paired him and Jisu on a couple of dates. The amount of times Soobin told Yeonjun “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I tried turning it down but I really can’t. I’m sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun started to wonder if the amount of times Soobin said </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span> was sincere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One night, Yeonjun decided to surprise the other because the next day was there. Yeonjun was excited because he brought Soobin’s favorites. Macarons and cake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the first thing he saw when he opened the door was Jisu.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was beautiful, looked very nice and Yeonjun learned she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You must be Yeonjun?” Jisu greeted the other and shook his hand. “Yeah… Nice to meet you” Yeonjun replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nice to meet you my ass</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soobin told me a lot about you” she giggled and Yeonjun’s eyes widened at that. “Has he really?” Yeonjun asked and Jisu nodded. “Come, sit. Let’s talk.” she said with a smile, patting down the space next to her on Soobin’s couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s all that?” Jisu asked as she pointed at the bag Yeonjun was holding. “Oh this? Just some cake and sweets, it’s our anniversary tomorrow. Wanted to surprise him.” Yeonjun smiled</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh really? That’s so sweet, how long have you guys been together?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“About four years now”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“OMG. I’m rooting for you guys. Did you know Soobin won’t shut up about you when we get forced on going on dates.” Jisu started “You have a girlfriend right?” Yeonjun asked that it was completely out of topic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Oh my god she’s the best.” Jisu exclaimed and Yeonjun figured that she really didn’t have any intention in pursuing Soobin or the whole dating thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does she know about </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, told her as soon as my dad mentioned it to me. My parents agreed on this because they needed someone to take over the business plus they want me to breakup with my girlfriend because they’re you know—</span>
  <em>
    <span>homophobic</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She explained and Yeonjun got a clearer mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soobin hasn’t even told his parents about us” Yeonjun told her and he sounded disappointed. “Oh,” Jisu said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’ll tell them eventually. Trust him, okay?” She smiled and Yeonjun didn’t have any choice but to nod. Soobin then comes out of his room, hair damp and dressed like he was ready to eat a fancy restaurant which surprisingly, he was. That’s why Jisu was at his place. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Yeonjun” Soobin said, sounding surprised. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t know you guys were going out but I got you macarons and cake” Yeonjun said, weakly lifted the paper bag filled with everything Soobin liked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeonjun-ah” Soobin said breathily as he grabbed Yeonjun’s hands, settling the paper bag on his counter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I forgot to tell you” the other said hissed under his breath. “It’s okay” Yeonjun lied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you buy these anyway?” Soobin asked and Yeonjun sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you kidding me now Soobin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What-why</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Forget about it, enjoy your night. If you need me I’ll be staying at Taehyun’s place” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Enjoy your night, bye Jisu. It was nice talking to you” Yeonjun announced as he walked out of Soobin’s door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bye Yeonjun, take care!” Jisu replied back and Soobin just stood there behind them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He forgot didn’t he” Jisu whispered and Yeonjun nodded slowly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take care Jisu” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You too” Jisu replied and shut the door when Yeonjun walked out. Yeonjun couldn’t help himself but cried all the way to Taehyun’s place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you forgetting something?” Jisu turned to Soobin and the other just looked confused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What exactly?” Soobin distressingly asked. “What’s tomorrow Soobin?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The fifth”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fifth of what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fifth of March”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The look on Soobin’s face made Jisu annoyed. “We leave the restaurant at 11, go find Yeonjun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thing was, Soobin was late.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin tried to go to Taehyun’s place only to find out Yeonjun had gone somewhere else. Beomgyu tried to stop Soobin from finding Yeonjun because it was useless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hyung, this is pathetic. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> are pathetic. Go home.” Beomgyu had told Soobin but then again, Soobin was stubborn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hyung, who is Yeonjun to you?” Kai asked and Soobin thought it was a stupid question because of course…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun was </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> to Soobin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by that Kai?” Soobin asked and the three of them looked at each other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Who is Yeonjun to you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” It sounded more like a threat rather than a question if Soobin was honest because he was terrified of losing Yeonjun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He—</span>
  <em>
    <span>he’s everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>to me” Soobin said, voice cracking towards the end and the three of them can’t help but be angry and emotional for the poor guy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If he’s everything to you why aren’t you doing everything for him?” Beomgyu asked and Soobin got furious, standing up and gripping Beomgyu by the collar which Kai tried to hold him back while Taehyun pulled Beomgyu away. “Why are you angry now? Why are you angry now, Soobin? You don’t have any right to be angry right now because you hurt Yeonjun and you’re not doing anything about it!” Beomgyu shouted and Soobin’s grip on his shirt loosened as Soobin slowly fell onto the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't know what I did” Soobin cried, tears staining the wooden floor of the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bullshit</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Kai said</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re still pursuing Jisu even if you don’t want to. You don’t want to stand up to your parents because you’re a coward. You don’t want to ,</span>
  <em>
    <span>at least</span>
  </em>
  <span>, give hints to them that you’re dating Yeonjun. You don’t even have the time to be with Yeonjun for the past months, you were with Jisu all the damn time! I know Jisu doesn’t like you or anything but she’s not much of an asshole compared to you” Beomgyu spitted out and Taehyun only sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What we don’t get is that Jisu was still able to make time for her girlfriend but you? After class, you and Yeonjun would usually be together and hang out at your place but for the past months, he’s been with us because you had to </span>
  <em>
    <span>attend</span>
  </em>
  <span> to family matters” Kai replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine!” Soobin shouted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I admit I’m a fucking coward. I can’t stand up for myself, I can’t be with Yeonjun the way I want him to be with me” he continued, grabbing his face and sobbing into his hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Go home</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Soobin” Taehyun said, opening the front door while Soobin forcibly walks out while the three of them look at Soobin with disappointment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Soobin was walking to his car, he saw Jisu leaning against his car with Yeonjun next to her and at that, Soobin ran towards Yeonjun and tried to hold his hands but the other refused to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was by the park side, surprised you didn’t see him when you literally passed by there.” Jisu said and turned her head to the other. Jisu gave Yeonjun a small hug and said her goodbyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just so you know, I called my father to end this. Take care, Soobin” Jisu said before walking towards the main street and riding the bus while the cold air passes through the two of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeonjun,” Soobin breathed out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s break up” Yeonjun replied, looking down on the snow covered parking lot and Soobin’s heartbeat started to speed up, and felt like he was almost dying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You heard me, let’s break up” Yeonjun looked up to the other, eyes swollen and filled with anger and sadness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I have to explain myself, do I?” Yeonjun said while Soobin was lost at words, trying to find the right ones to respond to the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you keep our relationship in your small little bubble how can we see more of what is here for us, Soobin-ah? I know you made a promise but with everything that went on, can’t you make a little sacrifice for me, for </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>? It’s as if you’re ashamed of our relationship and it saddens me that you have to cover it up every single damn time” the pain in Yeonjun’s voice made Soobin’s heart crack a bit too much than it already was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Four years, Soobin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Four damn years. </span>
  </em>
  <span>You hid this from your parents for four years. It’s like you never cared at all. You never cared about being true to yourself. What’s hiding going to help you with? My parents may be religious like your parents but they learned to accept me because they saw how happy I am with you. Why can’t you do the same?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeonjun, I’m sorry”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s all you got to say and I already knew that. Have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>great </span>
  </em>
  <span>life ahead of you, Soobin. Thanks a lot”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin was left alone, in the cold and vacant parking lot. Soobin watched as Yeonjun walked away from him, drifted away from him inch by inch. The heartstrings connecting them were tugging too much. It was painful, but Soobin didn’t want to rip it out. He wants Yeonjun close to him but it was too late.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moments later, Soobin’s phone lit up with a notification saying: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Anniversary with Yeonjunnie💕</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything’s fucked up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>✹</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They’ve stopped talking, seeing each other and everything that lies along the lines of </span>
  <em>
    <span>breaking up</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Taehyun, Kai and Beomgyu were kind enough to check on both Soobin and Yeonjun despite them being separated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Months later, Soobin was lying on his bed thinking about how Yeonjun was doing. He was scrolling through Yeonjun’s Instagram account and saw how Yeonjun was happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Happier</span>
  </em>
  <span>, if Soobin wasn’t bitter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All his posts were him showing a smile, a smile growing bigger and bigger as he scrolled to the most recent ones. Soobin thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>What if he found someone new, someone better than me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin wished everything nice for Yeonjun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because he messed everything up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was his fault.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin missed Yeonjun, he couldn’t help himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun’s number was still on speed dial because Soobin never had plans in removing or changing it anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hello?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The static noise made Soobin cry, it was his first time in months, hearing Yeonjun’s voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeonjun-ah, hey. It’s Soobin”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why are you calling me?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin knew he sounded annoyed but he just didn’t mind it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If I go to your place, will you come down and meet me?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun breathed through the microphone and the feeling made Soobin regret everything he said. As he was about to take back the offer, Yeonjun replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Be here in ten, stay in your car”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ten minutes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every second mattered to Soobin and did not waste any of it. He arrived two minutes earlier than he should and saw Yeonjun outside, standing by the gate. Waiting for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without a word, as soon as Soobin parked right in front—Yeonjun got in the front passenger seat while Soobin stared at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?” Yeonjun began</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I missed you” Soobin stated and Yeonjun just scoffed at it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I missed you too</span>
  </em>
  <span> was what was in Yeonjun’s head but refuses to let it out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is </span>
  <em>
    <span>that the only </span>
  </em>
  <span>reason why you’re here? If that’s so you can leave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No! Yeonjun wait.” Soobin stuttered and the other looked at him, from his expression; Yeonjun was obviously angry but nothing beats the expression from the eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun’s eyes felt sad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teary-eyed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“One night. Just tonight. I just want to feel something again” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun wasted no time in smashing his lips to the other’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t a romantic kiss, more of like something craved for. Like what Soobin said, just to </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel something again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The space between them was both a hassle and a curse, Yeonjun quickly moved his body to the back seats and Soobin followed. Yeonjun straddled on Soobin’s lap with the other’s hands gripped on either side of Yeonjun’s hips while Yeonjun’s hands were cupping the other’s face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kiss was hot, passionate and messy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun could taste the blueberry soju from Soobin’s lips which drove him insane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(It was the same taste every time they meet up to make out with each other for how many months)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you drinking?” Yeonjun asked as he broke the kiss from the other, starting to feel dizzy from Soobin’s intoxicating taste.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah” Soobin breathed against Yeonjun’s mouth, looking down on Yeonjun’s shiny, swollen and perfect lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiss me again” Yeonjun sighed</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so they did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both knew it was wrong, but they both acted as if it was alright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looked like they both wanted it but Yeonjun doesn’t want to admit that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin’s car started to heat up despite the cold weather outside. The windows started to fog up and Soobin’s kisses started to travel down to Yeonjun’s neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Soobin</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Yeonjun moaned out but Soobin kept on kissing on the other’s neck and ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soobin!” he said louder and the other finally looked at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should stop”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the thing is, they didn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They went on about this for months after their breakup. Their friends were both worried and disappointed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you guys get back together then?” Beomgyu asked</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, we can’t” Yeonjun replied</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The both of you are stupid”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>✹</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeonjun hyung?” Taehyun’s voice sounded clear now in Yeonjun’s head. His coffee started to cool now and the sun was about to set.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” the younger asked</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m fine” he lied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s getting late now, we should go. You want to stop by our place?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I have somewhere else to be” Yeonjun replied and they both parted ways from the cafe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun was unsure if it was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> decision to go to Soobin’s place after storming out his place two weeks ago because of the cigarette incident.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Yeonjun found himself in front of Soobin’s door, knocking on it and wishing he wasn’t around but Soobin opened it anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey” the taller boy greeted, he looked stressed and Yeonjun got worried.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey” Yeonjun replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You busy?” Yeonjun asked and Soobin shook his head. “Can we talk?” the other said and Soobin said nothing but made way for the other to walk inside. Yeonjun walked in and sat at Soobin’s couch while the other sat across him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” Soobin started and Yeonjun felt nervous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know I told you before that we should stop seeing each other for you know, making out and shit. Not even going to lie with you, I enjoyed those moments but I wanted something more than that”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin chuckled, tilting his head at the other while Yeonjun stammered, trying to find the right words to continue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you trying to say?” Soobin asked and Yeonjun took a deep breath before replying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel something</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel </span>
  </em>
  <span>more than your lips and your touches.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin parts his lips in confusion and shock while Yeonjun was on the verge of crying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey why are you crying?” Soobin might have been too close, cupping the other’s face, wiping the tears that fell first from his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to love you again. I want us to love each other again” Yeonjun cried, holding onto Soobin’s hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Soobin said</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you” he continued.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can we start over again?” Yeonjun asked and Soobin lightly pecked the other’s lips. “I’d love that. I love you, Yeonjun. I never stopped”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have nothing to apologize for, I should be the one saying that. I’m sorry Yeonjun” Soobin said and pulled Yeonjun into his arms, hugging him tight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you stay the night?” Soobin asked while the other had himself comfortable on his lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d love that” Yeonjun giggled and they kiss each other like there’s no tomorrow.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>✹</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of Yeonjun watching the clock pass time and waited for the perfect time to leave Soobin’s place. He’s cuddled up next to the other, feeling the warm heat from Soobin’s body in the cold weather outside. Yeonjun has his head on Soobin’s chest, tracing the outlines of Soobin’s muscles as Soobin was busy playing around with Yeonjun’s hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Random thought” Yeonjun said and Soobin hummed in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about your parents?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah” Soobin replied</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thought you’d never ask” Soobin laughed but Yeonjun remained serious.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not playing around Soobin”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay.” he started</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I actually came out to them before we started you know doing the you know”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Their response was something I didn’t expect”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which was?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They said </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay, do whatever you want. There’s nothing we can do now</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So are they okay with it?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I’ll take it as their okay, we still had dinner a few times. I also told about you too”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun sat up and looked down at the other. Soobin stretched his hand, caressing Yeonjun’s face. “I told them you’re the most amazing person I ever met”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun smiled softly and leaned down to Soobin, kissing him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re unbelievable”</span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s true” Soobin giggled between their kisses.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you” Yeonjun said</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, I swear I’m never leaving you again”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>• hello thank you so much for making it here! i think this is one of the longest if not already fics that i have written so far and i hope you guys liked it ! it would be great hearing your thoughts, insights and emotions about this one in the comments 💙 i would appreciate it so much<br/>• if you guys have any questions or would like to reach out to me, please feel free to dm or @ me in my <a href="https://twitter.com/orangadezblue">twitter account!</a><br/>would love to have kudos and comments on this one! once again, thank you so much! 🧡</p></blockquote></div></div>
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